Now first off is the movie Sunshine. Now...I love the premise! I love the acting! The whole first part is really awesome! You have my future husband Chris Evans as an asshole, Cillian Murphy as a smart guy, and other actors who have IMDB pages. Basically, the sun is dying and Earth is in a solar winter, and the crew of the Icarus II are out to detonate a bomb in the sun to restart it and save the world. The first time this was attempted, the ship Icarus I randomly lost contact with the Earth and everyone was presumed dead from an unknown accident. But Icarus II picks up on the distress beacon of the lost Icarus I and they go to take it's bomb as a back up, and to take their supplies to ensure they can make it back home alive.
And then it turns shit. It becomes a slasher film. People start dying left and right for accidental reasons, like the Captain getting burned alive outside the ship during a maintenance operation, and the ships greenhouse catching fire so that they won't have enough oxygen to make it to the sun. People die while trying to get supplies from Icarus I, a survivor on that ship escapes onto II, and from there he goes batshit insane even more. He's sure that humans are defying God by trying to restart the sun and wants to stop the mission. He kills everyone but Cillian Murphy, who manages to detonate the bomb payload and sees time or some shit.
Look, I love Danny Boyle, but this isn't that great of a film. It is really good at building tension...some of the times. Not all. And a lot of the emotional moments and drama are depending on relationships between characters that we don't feel invested in. It doesn't have any of those heart string moments. I hate to compare it to Interstellar, but Interstellar did a brilliant job emotionally connecting you to every character, even if we didn't know them for very long. Sunshine just tosses you in and says "okay, ACTION." The really only emotional scene is near the end when Murphy detonates the payload and its playing the tense music and you watch him sweat and cry as he struggles in the heat and knowing that he's humanities singular hope at this point. This movie always falls flat for me and every time I watch it, I think "Wow...that was still disappointing."
But do you know what movie was exactly the spectacular shitshow I was hoping for?
KNOWING.
So...there is no good way to start off talking about this movie except to take a deep breath and say "This is one of THOSE Nic Cage movies, and it involves psychics, possibly aliens, bunnies, and smooth pebbles." I don't even think I can discuss the story in a calm and intellectual manner so lets just roll with it.
The movie starts with some weird ass girl who starts hearing shit, so she writes down a stream of fucking numbers on a piece of paper to put in a time capsule before clawing her fingernails off in a closet and being Silent Hill Child levels of "creepy little girl". On to the present day (in 2009) where Nic Cage's son who I will call Son is at the opening of the time capsule and gets Silent Hill child's number sheet, and his friends make fun of him. Son steals the number sheet like a fucking degenerate and Nic Cage is angry with him. While gazing angrily at the numbers sheet, Nic has moment that would make Jim Carrey from The Number 23 proud, and picks out the day and death total of fucking 9/11. Idk maybe it's because he was in that firefighter movie about 9/11. THEN HE DECIDES TO RESEARCH EVERY NUMBER COMBINATION IN ONE NIGHT...and figures out that most of the numbers are dates and exact death counts of major accidents that happened over the past 50 years.
He doesn't know what all the extra numbers mean, BUT I'M SURE THATS FINE SO HE GOES AND TELLS HIS FRIEND AT MIT ABOUT IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YA DO WHEN YOU GET A PROPHESY PAPER FROM A TIME CAPSULE.
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3 dates haven't happened yet. One of those days is herpaderp that very daaay! But no one has died yet so Nic Cage goes to investigate. While on a drive, a fucking plane crashes next to the road while he's stuck in traffic, while he has a GPS that shows him his position and realizes that the extra numbers are the Lat and Long of where the death toll will happen. He runs into the plane wreckage...to...help... because that's logical! And FUCKIGN SURVIVORS ARE RUNNING AROUNFso from there, at some point a creepy Slender Man type fellow gives Son a smooth rock. Okay. Later he visits Son and in his room, and Son, lacking the concept of stranger danger, obeys and looks out the window as Slender Man shows his the forest and CGI moose running around on fire. Son screams and Nic Cage chases Slender Man through the woods with a baseball bat. So the next accident is gonna happen in the New York subway, so Nic tries to tell the authorities and they're like "okay, aren't you the fellow who stole the Declaration of Independence?" and they set up a trap for him. Nic goes there anyways....because I guess he REALLY NEEDED TO MAKE SURE HIS PAPER WAS RIGHT IDK and he helps the police catch a man stealing DVDs and then the subway crashes and kills however many people the paper said. So Nic decides to be a creep and tracks down the daughter of Silent Hill Child. The movie becomes very distracting because she's the mom from Insidious. So I'm calling her Insidious Mom. He interrogates Ms. Insidious and she's like "yeah my mom was bonkers and heard voices and sometimes wrote letters backwards so maybe the things that are clearly NOT the number 33 are the letters EE. And maybe that means EVERYONE ELSE see my mom wrote all over her mobile home in the woods." Also Nic discovers that solar flares are causing the latest accidents and that a solar flare will kill the Earth. Okay. So Insidious Mom thinks they should go to the caves and Nic thinks they should go to the coordinates where the EE is going to happen, and the kids reveal that they're hearing voices too. It's a mess. Mom kidnaps the children, only to get carjacked and killed at a gas station, and eventually he just fucking goes to the mobile home. It's surrounded by smooth rocks. He follows the rocks and finds his son in the woods. His son has a bunny. He says its his friend. Slender Man is there too. He also has friends, but they are not bunnies. Insidious Mom's daughter also has a bunny. they tell Nic Cage that they're going away on a spaceship but Nic can't come because he stole the Declaration of Independence and so the Slender Men take the kids and their bunnies away to an Earth-like planet with a magical tree, and Nic Cage drives into the city as a solar flares burns everything.
I highly recommend that over Sunshine because it's so fucking weird and funny and I'm not sure why this had to happen. It's so bonkers. I can't deal with it. Go watch it while you turn up.
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